Decisions, decisions.

Ever gotten so close to someone else's rock bottom that you could see all the grisly details?  Did it strike you so viscerally that you feel like maybe you'd better change something fast so you don't find out what your own rock bottom looks like?  I think I have.  It was nauseating.

I think I need to give up a lot of toxicity in my life.  Booze, smoking, going out until 4 in the morning like I'm still 17 and don't need the sleep...maybe it's time to grow up.  What if it kills my marriage?  What if in 20 years I look back and the things I regret most aren't that I didn't take every opportunity life threw at me, but that I let what was most important slip through my fingers?  

I've started to write "QUIT" on my arm everyday so I can see it and remind myself that some things are more important than other.  Quite frankly, I think I'm an alcoholic and it needs to stop.  I don't want a lousy chemical to own me.