Originally started in September of 2010. I was tired of it hanging around in "drafts".
With fall being Renaissance Festival season in these parts, many of us (mostly nerds) start thinking about strapping on a corset or lacing up some tights and partaking in creative anachronisms, accompanied by large quantities of beer and songs about how much fun drinking beer tends to be. We also get to thinking about life in olden times, the days of yore when knights tilted in the lists for the idea of love and the reality of money, the days when magic, religion, and fledgling science took turns trying to explain the endless wonders of the natural world. What were those days like? Some us even may feel that we were born in the wrong time, that our romantic souls would have been better placed in a time of chivalry and courtly romance.
I am not one of those people. If anything, I was born too early. I'd be much more at home with Jean-Luc Picard aboard the Enterprise (albeit likely the resident moron; the 8 year-olds would pity my ignorance) than singing "Hey nonny, sing ho" with Shakespeare at a filthy London tavern while drinking ale of dubious origins. Here is the beginning of what will hopefully be an ever-growing list of reasons why living in the past sucked.
1. No rights for women. For any men saying, "Hell, yeah!" right now, I hope nasty, unspecified things happen to you.
2. In Europe, no rights for non-whites. Same sentiment as expressed above to racists.
3. THE SMELL. OH, GOD, THE SMELL.
4. Even greater religious intolerance.
5. No showers. Again, imagine the smell.
6. No condoms. Think of all the babies you would have had by now were this 500 years ago. Feel free to shudder dramatically and/or vomit.
7. No toilets. No toilet paper. Often, not even an outhouse with a seat. Just the outdoors. Ew.
8. In Europe, home of the Renaissance, before contact with the New World, there were no potatoes, tobacco, tomatoes, bell peppers, chocolate, corn, etc. Arguably, there may not have been syphilis, either.
9. People died from things we scoff at now, like chicken pox, the flu, and things easily avoided in our modern world like salmonella.
10. Lice and fleas. LICE AND FLEAS. *shudder
11. No video games. I know this is not really a priority for most, but I would die.
12. No real health care. You were lucky if one of a hundred "remedies" for ailments sort of worked.
13. Clothes were crappier. We take for granted some of the awesome textiles we luxuriate in today, often using fabrics not seen until the last century or so to make "historical" costumes that are waaaaaay more comfortable and eye-catching than their original counterparts.
14. That being said, think about the underpants, or the typical lack thereof. Now think of the majority of your neighbors. Yeah, I thought not.
15. The food sucked more. Think about the staggering variety of food choice and preparation taken for granted by most Americans. Didn't really exist back then. Global trade not really being a thing back in the day, spices and flavorings from around the world were non-existent, and forget "ethnic" food. Think about life without nachos, or chicken lo mein, or even something as boring and humdrum as vanilla ice cream. Now die a little inside.
More items to follow later.
With fall being Renaissance Festival season in these parts, many of us (mostly nerds) start thinking about strapping on a corset or lacing up some tights and partaking in creative anachronisms, accompanied by large quantities of beer and songs about how much fun drinking beer tends to be. We also get to thinking about life in olden times, the days of yore when knights tilted in the lists for the idea of love and the reality of money, the days when magic, religion, and fledgling science took turns trying to explain the endless wonders of the natural world. What were those days like? Some us even may feel that we were born in the wrong time, that our romantic souls would have been better placed in a time of chivalry and courtly romance.
If you're looking for historical accuracy,
you left it in your other Warrior Princess bustier.
I am not one of those people. If anything, I was born too early. I'd be much more at home with Jean-Luc Picard aboard the Enterprise (albeit likely the resident moron; the 8 year-olds would pity my ignorance) than singing "Hey nonny, sing ho" with Shakespeare at a filthy London tavern while drinking ale of dubious origins. Here is the beginning of what will hopefully be an ever-growing list of reasons why living in the past sucked.
1. No rights for women. For any men saying, "Hell, yeah!" right now, I hope nasty, unspecified things happen to you.
2. In Europe, no rights for non-whites. Same sentiment as expressed above to racists.
3. THE SMELL. OH, GOD, THE SMELL.
4. Even greater religious intolerance.
5. No showers. Again, imagine the smell.
6. No condoms. Think of all the babies you would have had by now were this 500 years ago. Feel free to shudder dramatically and/or vomit.
7. No toilets. No toilet paper. Often, not even an outhouse with a seat. Just the outdoors. Ew.
8. In Europe, home of the Renaissance, before contact with the New World, there were no potatoes, tobacco, tomatoes, bell peppers, chocolate, corn, etc. Arguably, there may not have been syphilis, either.
9. People died from things we scoff at now, like chicken pox, the flu, and things easily avoided in our modern world like salmonella.
10. Lice and fleas. LICE AND FLEAS. *shudder
11. No video games. I know this is not really a priority for most, but I would die.
12. No real health care. You were lucky if one of a hundred "remedies" for ailments sort of worked.
13. Clothes were crappier. We take for granted some of the awesome textiles we luxuriate in today, often using fabrics not seen until the last century or so to make "historical" costumes that are waaaaaay more comfortable and eye-catching than their original counterparts.
14. That being said, think about the underpants, or the typical lack thereof. Now think of the majority of your neighbors. Yeah, I thought not.
15. The food sucked more. Think about the staggering variety of food choice and preparation taken for granted by most Americans. Didn't really exist back then. Global trade not really being a thing back in the day, spices and flavorings from around the world were non-existent, and forget "ethnic" food. Think about life without nachos, or chicken lo mein, or even something as boring and humdrum as vanilla ice cream. Now die a little inside.
More items to follow later.
No comments:
Post a Comment