Writing Exercises

Instead of doing NaNoWriMo properly, Kirstin and I have been doing poetry exercises.  I am working on novels, as well, but I'm not forcing myself to write a set amount by the end of the month or anything, and anyway I really want to work on my poetry.  I won't be faithful about posting everyday or anything, but I will try to post some of the random bits of word fluff on here from time to time. Anything I regard as worthy of further development I'm going to hold back, but I'll let the internet have the random busy work I'm not sure I want to keep.

11/2/11


She was a rogue planet
wandering far from the nebulae
of sin and guilt that birthed her
wrapped in her own mantle
shadow and tinsel, alive
warmth in the sea of cold.

Her heavenly body inspired us
her gams oh-la-la'ed in nets
her scarlet woman lips arched up
daring damnation
welcoming adoration
she made it all a joy
a gift of natural beauty
that shone against the contrast
of its dark backdrop.


11/5/11


She doles out each penny and calls its number
math is a new language she greedily pours
out onto  my desktop, trying to speak
between myself and the keys.

The clinking march and rote to interrupt
my writing, to wrest my attentions
she must think I give all my love
to this glaring screen and lecherous hum.

Each time I sit down it's the same battle
and sometimes I am the child when I scream
pounding the desk with petulant fists
she looks on, dark eyes solemn
and pats me gently on the back.

11/7/11

We spend so much

of our lives on stoops

smoking as we choose

which words go where

while the clouds roll in

with the bass beats

the pumpkins degrading

slowly into the flowerbeds.

You strike lines through stanzas

because my narrative runs

to prosaic mutterings

you tell me you want

to embrace poetry

digging into its flesh

to plant your spring irises.

Torchwood Miracle Day Theory

WARNING: Don't read this if you don't want any potential spoilers or if you just hate listening to other people's stupid plot predictions for shows you enjoy.  If this were someone else's blog, I wouldn't read it.  Other people's theories usually drive me nuts.
Speaking of crazy...

Bill Pullman is watching you and breathing heavily.

I typically try to restrain from forming pet plot theories before big reveals for shows I like.  For movies, it doesn't matter as much, because you'll find out within a couple of hours or less what's really going on.  Usually movie plot twists are easy to see coming, unless the director is trying so hard to keep it a surprise that the clues are obscure to the point of being invisible or there are no clues and the result comes out of left field.  Television shows, though, develop slowly because it takes months (or years) to get the resolution.  Any theories I start out with usually change three episodes later based on new information or because I've simply had more time to think on it.  I find pet theories get in the way of enjoying a series, because I invariably fall into the trap of trying to make all new information fit into my pre-existing notion of how the show should be progressing.  Anything that doesn't fit might get discarded as irrelevant only to later turn out to be pivotal, and vice-versa.  Then I get annoyed with myself for having put blinders on myself and also irrationally at the writers for not agreeing with me on how their show should be playing out.

But watching the latest episode of Torchwood: Miracle Day has stirred my need to theorize, and I don't feel like resisting.  Who cares?  My idea is most likely going to be wrong, the information spurring it will probably turn out to be coincidentally correlational, and anyway no one reads this blog.  Likely I'm seeing similarities between information presented in "Escape to LA" and previous Doctor Who events because they were both created by Russell T. Davies, and typically writers repeat themselves in tiny ways, whether consciously or not.

So once the idea of the "Families" was brought up towards the end of the episode, the first thing that popped into my mind was the Family of Blood from season three of Doctor Who.  What if other families of their species are also seeking immortality?  We know they can take over human bodies.  Of course, the problem is that they only live for a few months, but maybe they put themselves in stasis or have bred countless generations or some other plot device that allows them to be behind all this shit (see, justification for my ideas are already fermenting).  Also, they used a Time Agent Vortex Manipulator when they were hunting the Tenth Doctor; was that the thing Jack supposedly "gave" them? (Whether or not this was a willing gift is obviously up in the air.)  Perhaps after failing to gain immortality through the Doctor, another Family secured the Vortex Manipulator and used it to go back in time to Earth's past and begin long-term plans to ensure their eventual immortality?  Maybe even one of the original Family members was freed from their eternal imprisonment and went on to lay the groundwork for the "miracle".  If so, it seems Brother would be the best choice, since the Doctor just up and left him in a field to watch over England forever.

He'll be making that creepy stalker face for all eternity, otherwise.

Leaks about future Miracle Day episodes refer to the organization behind it all as "The Three Families" (thus the triangle).  Maybe they're three separate alien species, each a family, coming together for whatever nefarious shit aliens get up to in the Torchwood/Doctor Who universe, who knows.  More than likely whoever's behind all this is someone/thing completely new and I'm just spinning my wheels.  But it'd be neat to see more ties between Torchwood and its parent show, no matter how remote, because as much as I respect the show is supposed to develop into its own thing, I'd like to see evidence that it's still in the same universe, you know?

How to Construct a Muse?

I should mention that I had to have the Muse's threat explained to me by a few friends.

Sometimes trying to write is hard, especially when there are so many amusing things to read that other people have already written.  I haven't done much writing with my newly acquired alone time since Liv started summer school; mostly I've been playing video games, picking up around the apartment, and filling out applications for jobs.  Also fiddling about online, reading articles and webcomics, etc.  I quit smoking, cut out a lot of junk food from my diet, and drink waaaaay less soda.  Needless to say, I feel less like crap.  Yay.  

However, I still haven't written much since I left school (two years ago....eesh).  What I have written, I hate.  I admire people like my husband who work consistently to progress at mastering a skill.  He's been out of school a year and still does graphic design and drawing exercises every week.  I'm one of nature's born slackers who wants to get something right the first time and be awesome right away.  I blame things being too easy in elementary school and being praised for being smart.  That's bad for children, being constantly told how smart they are.  It makes them think things will always be that easy.  Sure, I was socially deficient and couldn't follow instructions to save my life. I'm like that now.  It probably won't change.  Every time I get a handle on one thing, three other things pop up to prove how incompetent I am at things other people grasp innately. I don't care about those things.  The point is, in areas academical I got the concept quickly and tested well as a child.  It made me think everything was supposed to be that way, and if it didn't come easily, I didn't bother with it.

It's interesting that I've chosen writing as my field.  I suppose if I had stuck with science as a teen, I probably would have made out okay.  Science is less convoluted than interpersonal communication.  But science also requires a lot of slogging, and I am not one of nature's sloggers.  My mum is, my husband is, pretty much everyone in my entire family is a slogger.  They can keep their heads down and shoulder their way through repetition to arrive at the end result.  Their minds go through the correct mental hoopery to achieve the kinds of answers most people expect.  It amazes me sometimes to see my husband's mind at work.  He'll find solutions to problems that absolutely confound me, and understand things without needing them explained.  I think I keep him around as a buffer between me and the rest of the planet, to be frank.  He saves me a lot of awkwardness at restaurants, for one thing.  He deals with mechanics.  I imagine in the future he will frequently have to smooth things over with Liv's teachers and quite possibly the entire PTA.

And that's my problem.  As I have told people in writing workshops, bar conversations, and a couple of times when helping Pam teach her beginning poetry classes, writing (along with all other forms of creative media) is about communicating something to the reader.  Expressing an idea to an audience.  If you have failed to make them understand or feel or connect on some level, you have failed as a writer (or artist or musician or whatever).  I often find myself understanding exactly what I mean to say, and no one else does.  I have been told I can be fairly good at putting words together in ways that sound impressive to the average person, but it doesn't always translate meaning to someone reading them.  I endeavor to write in a more... vernacular style?  As one would converse with a friend on a typical day.  Especially on a blog.  My short fiction is just one attempt after another to write in a manner that allows easy communication between myself and the reader.  Poetry is harder, because it's more personal.  If I use my purest voice, no one gets it.  If I try too hard to make it accessible by others, I feel like I've cut out the heart of it.  So poetry is a constant balancing act for me.  

I've been trying to find motivation for writing, and then today realized that's stupid.  You don't find motivation for important things, you just do them.  A lot.  Over and over until you finally end up with something you can tolerate.  This goes back to my instinctual dislike of doing things that way and my absolute dearth of focus; however, as an adult I know I need to actively make myself do things the slow and steady way.  Slow and steady isn't the approach I feel a person should take on their entire life; to quote Jack McBrayer, "That ain't no way to live!"  I understand, though, that it's the correct method to work out some of the more important things in life.  

Apparently THIS is the way to live.  I'm not arguing.

I've been reflecting on the nature of "one's muse".  Creative types can get ridiculous about the idea of their "personal muse" and how it supposedly inspires them.  The idea that inspiration is supposed to come outside oneself confuses me and yet simultaneously entertains me to the point where I've been thinking of making one up, just to have something to bicker with cathartically when writing doesn't go my way.

Allen Ginsberg said that the real challenge for writers is to talk to your muse as you would your friends, to break down the walls between how you really experienced an event and how you express it.  Donald Revell says something very similar in The Art of Attention: The Poet's Eye.  He talks about how the true poet merely pays discrete attention to what is real and true, then stops their brain and its myriad conceits from getting in between that which they perceive and themselves: "Bum and troubadours can have no truck with the intentional fallacy."  So, in this spirit, I feel that my muse should be something I perceive as true, as directly honest and meaningful to myself.  

When I think about writing, I invariably think about Pam McClure.  Pam was one of those wonderful people who not only readily believes in the abilities of others, but causes said people to believe in themselves. She inspired a lot of students, friends, and colleagues in her time.  Her Facebook group calls her "powerful beyond measure", and there are only a handful of people I would describe in that way.  My mum, certainly, and sometimes I try to write about her and how I see her and the things she's been through, but that's closer to home and infinitely harder to write about.  

In a way I think I've quietly and unintentionally made Pam my muse.  I hear her voice a lot when I sit down to write, even if my own internal voice narrating what I'm writing sounds suspiciously like a female Stephen Fry.

How's that for a mental enema, eh?

Because I admire her so very much, I reread Donald Revell's book she recommended to her students often.  Donald Revell was always referenced as "The Great Man", and I have "Composition is taxidermy" (The Art of Attention, p.25) tattooed around a partly-mechanical raven on my left arm.  However, Pam believed in the value of tinkering about with traditional forms of poetic composition and making them your own, so in that spirit I am going to attempt the triolet, villanelle, and sestina this summer.  Maybe another sonnet.  I like those a damn sight better than the aforementioned styles.  I can almost hear her deprecating the fact that I waited until after I graduated and she died to do things her way.  This is a rather extreme reflection of our relationship while she was still alive; she'd say, "Abbey Riley, you should try this. You'd be awesome at it" and I'd ignore her and do whatever I wanted anyway.  Then later she'd hit with me with a book.  I would try to push her into doing things my way with the Ivy Review.  She usually relented, and then later hit me with a book.  We maintained this equilibrium successfully for two years.  


Pam was one of my only real role models, and a beautiful poet.  I hear her voice whenever I see horses in pasture, a country lake, a peacock feather, the sunburned shoulders of teenage girls.  She had a vibrant soul that hummed around the periphery of perception.  I miss her a great deal and find myself talking at her memory in times of confusion.  While I have yet to really understand the nature of muses, I think I could do a lot worse for a muse than Pam McClure.

Much love and gratitude, O Impetuous One.

Happy Towel Day!

The Big List of Reasons Why Living in the Past Sucked

Originally started in September of 2010.  I was tired of it hanging around in "drafts".


With fall being Renaissance Festival season in these parts, many of us (mostly nerds) start thinking about strapping on a corset or lacing up some tights and partaking in creative anachronisms, accompanied by large quantities of beer and songs about how much fun drinking beer tends to be.  We also get to thinking about life in olden times, the days of yore when knights tilted in the lists for the idea of love and the reality of money, the days when magic, religion, and fledgling science took turns trying to explain the endless wonders of the natural world.  What were those days like?  Some us even may feel that we were born in the wrong time, that our romantic souls would have been better placed in a time of chivalry and courtly romance.

If you're looking for historical accuracy, 

you left it in your other Warrior Princess bustier.

I am not one of those people.  If anything, I was born too early.  I'd be much more at home with Jean-Luc Picard aboard the Enterprise (albeit likely the resident moron; the 8 year-olds would pity my ignorance) than singing "Hey nonny, sing ho" with Shakespeare at a filthy London tavern while drinking ale of dubious origins.  Here is the beginning of what will hopefully be an ever-growing list of reasons why living in the past sucked.


1. No rights for women.  For any men saying, "Hell, yeah!" right now, I hope nasty, unspecified things happen to you.
2. In Europe, no rights for non-whites.  Same sentiment as expressed above to racists.
3. THE SMELL.  OH, GOD, THE SMELL.
4. Even greater religious intolerance.
5. No showers. Again, imagine the smell.
6. No condoms.  Think of all the babies you would have had by now were this 500 years ago. Feel free to shudder dramatically and/or vomit.
7. No toilets. No toilet paper.  Often, not even an outhouse with a seat.  Just the outdoors.  Ew.
8. In Europe, home of the Renaissance, before contact with the New World, there were no potatoes, tobacco, tomatoes, bell peppers, chocolate, corn, etc.  Arguably, there may not have been syphilis, either.
9. People died from things we scoff at now, like chicken pox, the flu, and things easily avoided in our modern world like salmonella.
10. Lice and fleas.  LICE AND FLEAS.  *shudder
11. No video games.  I know this is not really a priority for most, but I would die.
12. No real health care.  You were lucky if one of a hundred "remedies" for ailments sort of worked.
13. Clothes were crappier.  We take for granted some of the awesome textiles we luxuriate in today, often using fabrics not seen until the last century or so to make "historical" costumes that are waaaaaay more comfortable and eye-catching than their original counterparts.
14. That being said, think about the underpants, or the typical lack thereof.  Now think of the majority of your neighbors.  Yeah, I thought not.
15. The food sucked more.  Think about the staggering variety of food choice and preparation taken for granted by most Americans.  Didn't really exist back then.  Global trade not really being a thing back in the day, spices and flavorings from around the world were non-existent, and forget "ethnic" food.  Think about life without nachos, or chicken lo mein, or even something as boring and humdrum as vanilla ice cream.  Now die a little inside.


More items to follow later.

The Infertility Itch

I never understood the women so desperate for babies
willing to turn their bodies into spawning grounds
human puppy mills sitting out children by the unnatural handful.

I scoffed.  I shook my head at the idea that any woman
any sane person would need to breed with that recklessness
premeditated abandon based on religion or hormones
whatever the reason, ludicrous and extreme.

Then the losses piled up.  Most were faceless clumps
cells arranged like clustered fruit, tiny false starts
chromosomal anomalies too poorly written to live.

The last, hopefully the last, not just the latest:

I knew the moment its small form appeared on screen
it had no spark, no fluttering movement to bespeak life
its body still; silent, it had stopped three weeks before
and I had gone on, trying not to hope and hoping anyway
while it died quietly alone in the thundering whisper
the tide in my uterus pulled by my satellite heart.

She was normal, the tests spat the words at me
my doctor holding out the results like an offering
not realizing the comfort I had taken from the idea
that they had all been genetic misfires, failures
of their parents' code to weave together.

Female, 46 chromosomes, no abnormalities detected
one line that cut me, burned me with guilt
and then the barrage of tests to see why I failed
to protect and nurture life within me the way women should.

I've successfully bred before; my daughter thrives
she sings through my days and questions everything.
She asks me often for more children, she is lonely
and I fear I have waited too long and the disease
haunting the women of my family has taken my chance.

So I itch at myself, worrying at my bones or my genes
cursing my body for things it can't willingly deny
taking the pills, conforming to regimens and diets
waiting for news, pausing at the threshold of my soul
to wonder when I became the sort of woman
who cries at baby pictures and is consumed by conception.

Wedding Plans Part 3

Let me just say that my new favorite thing ever is Inspiration Boards.  I like being able to make a scrapbook but online, because I do most things online.  The first board is theme/general ideas and the second is obviously cake specific.

Gir tattoo?

I'm wanting a Gir tattoo.  I'm wondering where to put it.  Leg?  Shoulder?  I dunno.  I think I want Gir with a cupcake.  I lurrrrrrve cupcakes.  They are kyoooooot.  Bad spelling fun.

This one is already a tattoo ^

This one is a little tooooo crazy ^

Is okay ^

So far I like this one best ^

The many faces of Gir.  I kind of like the pissed off one.

Maybe if he were holding a cupcake instead of tickets?

Also cute! ^

Wedding Plans Part 2

Turns out Van Gogh's "Starry Night" is one of her favorite paintings of all time, so she jumped on using it as the theme for her wedding.  The color scheme works, it's classic and romantic, and it'll be tasteful enough to appeal to the majority of her wedding guests, I should think.

We're also adding a little twist; a Tim Burton twist.  While not wanting to have a spooky/Halloween/undead-themed wedding, Tia does love Jack and Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas and always wanted them to top her cake.  I found the COOLEST custom-etch-able crystal cake topper that features the Jack and Sally silhouette on the curly hilltop that you can order with the wedding date and couple names.  BAD ASS.  Also, I suggested we work up a rendition of Starry Night crossed with the moment they grasp hands with that big golden moon behind them and then use that for the invites and decorations.

I'm thinking while the wedding party and groom walk down the aisle, the musicians (no pre-recorded music allowed at Lourdes, Jesus forfend) can play "Jack's Lament" because it speaks of longing, and anyway it's instrumental only, and then when Tia walks down the aisle, they can play the refrain from "Sally's Song".  

Anyway, I'm looking forward to throwing all this shiz together and making it work.  OMG MY BRAIN ESPLODES WITH IDEARS!!!

You can tell I mean it because of the poor spelling, capital letters, and redundant punctuation.

Dead Babies and Churros

It's hard to feel sad when you listen to "Mr. Blue Sky", even if you've had a shitty, horrible, no-good, very-bad day.  Have you have read this book?

One of my favorites as a small child, and my old copy from when I was three sits on Liv's bookshelf now.  It's one of those cute stories that's supposed to help children put things in perspective.  Like, "Hey, I know this bad thing seems big and terrible now, but it's not so bad when you have days like this" or "You know, at the end of the day, you look back and realize it wasn't so big after all" type of thing.  A lot of books along those lines for adults SUCK.  I just want to put that out there.  They're either condescending, sappy, depressing, dull, tasteless, or just completely unhelpful in any way.  Everyone once in a while you find that rare book that makes you laugh your way through the shit, or think your way out of the dark; those books are special and I find that you should actually endeavor to NOT share them with people close to you.  Personally, the things I find uplifting seem to lose their luster when I hold them out for someone else to scrutinize.  Like the blog Hyperbole and a Half.  Allie is hilarious. I love her writing and her doodles.  My mother thinks I'm weird and doesn't get them.  The only one she liked was the one about the dogs when they were moving from Montana to Oregon, and mostly only because they sort of remind her of her dog and mine.  I would like to say right now that my dog is NOT retarded or exceptionally stupid, she's just incredibly timid at times.  My dog recognizes her own name and knows how to climb stairs.  She doesn't eat her own vomit.

Moving on, now that I've grossed myself out thinking about dog vomit...

Today a baby that stopped growing and living three weeks ago was discovered in my uterus.  I wasn't surprised.  I was still sad, just not shocked in any sense of the word.  I knew it as soon as I saw it on the screen.  I've gotten fairly adept at making out things on ultrasounds by now.  Neither my mother nor I could fail to notice the weird stuff on my left ovary, either.  Then I found up feeling worse for my poor mother, who sobbed and clung to me like a child for a few minutes, and I wound up having to comfort her instead.  Kind of helped, really.  It's nice to not have to think about why you should be feeling sad.  We spent a few hours getting food, driving around in the sunshine admiring flowers, playing with the dogs, taking Liv to splash in a creek in her rain boots.  It was at this point that I had to fish her out when she fell on her bum and couldn't get back up because the dogs perceived she was in apparently mortal danger and made themselves useful by crowding over her and knocking her down more.  My 45 pound five year-old didn't really have much of a chance against my mother's 110-pound German shepherd/rottweiler mix.  Thrown in our small 50 pound lab/malinois mix, and she reeked of dog all the way home.

Still, for Liv it was a good day.  She got a waffle for breakfast, special lunch with her aunt and uncle, followed by a cookie treat, then a day out with her gram and the dogs, followed by pizza for dinner because her parents were too tired and wrung out to make real food.  Uncle Zack also gave her a stick of rock candy she's probably dreaming about eating tomorrow right now.

As I sat in bed eating churros (I don't normally recommend doing that), I wondered what I was going to do with life.  I feel like I've been on pause for a year or so now; pretty much since I graduated from college.  I wonder if Damion feels that way, too?  It's hard not to feel like you're stuck in limbo when you're not really going forward in any sense of the phrase.  Once Damion graduated, I figured we could have kid numero dos and then after that maybe I'd try to get into grad school.  Pam was pretty adamant that I should do so, and even Danny drunkenly harangued me about going once when he'd had too much gin.  I'd like to teach college creative writing, maybe work on a literary mag, something.  I'm not afraid to criticize people, I like getting people to work together, and writing is fun.  Plus every time I think about not bothering, I feel Pam beating me 'round the head and shoulders with whatever came readily to hand and shouting at me.  She liked to do that, hit me with things and then tell me I was smart.  Danny did it with words; cutting, stinging words.  When a person looks up to role models like that, it's small wonder they wind up confused and conflicted.

We're going to run a bunch of tests, see what keeps going wrong with the whole baby-making deal, go through the motions of getting ready to eventually have another kid.  If we change our minds, it's easier to switch from that to hard-core pregnancy prevention than the other way around.  Plus there's apparently cancer risks involved if I'm not monitored carefully and a bunch of other crap that I'm only halfway paying attention to, on the principle that a person can only take so much getting freaked the fuck out before they just sort of switch off and hope that trusting people who make their living from sticking sharp things into other human beings will take care of them doesn't turn out to be a bad idea.

I've really discovered an odd love for Electric Light Orchestra as I've gotten older.  I figure as long as I don't started getting really into REO Speedwagon or Styx, I should be fine.  ELO is a lot of fun to sing a long with; I'm also contemplating getting voice lessons so that I can feel justified singing all I damn please whenever I like.  My husband doesn't like my singing voice; other people seem to like it, so maybe if I can smooth out my rough areas, I will no longer feel as self-conscious about singing where other people can hear me.

Once upon a time, days like today would have put me so far down into depression that I'd thought my whole world was ending.  I have had days like today before.  Well, not with churros.  Usually churro days are good days.  I like churros.  But days with bad ultrasound results, I seem to have gotten used to.  Somehow, today I'm just taking it as just another thing I have to get over in order to keep on living.

Man, that sounds corny.  But days like today allow for a certain amount of sappy personal reaffirmation.

Even in Australia.

Wedding Ideas, Resources

Just making some notes until Tia gets back to me on starting a separate wedding site/blog for keeping track of all this stuff.

http://offbeatbride.com/2010/03/eco-friendly-wedding-tips
http://www.sacredheart-church.org/wp-content/uploads/weddings.pdf
http://www.ourladyoflourdes.org/system/files/wedding-guidelines.pdf
http://offbeatbride.com/2009/12/blue-skull-wedding
http://offbeatbride.com/2009/06/blue-green-peacock-all-over
http://offbeatbride.com/2010/04/steampunk-wedding-dress
http://offbeatbride.com/2011/03/interactive-centerpieces
http://offbeatbride.com/2011/03/kansas-adventure-wedding
http://offbeatbride.com/2010/12/minneapolis-film-wedding

"Books as Centerpieces
Dude, I am in love with this concept, which I first read about on Kvetch, where a bride themed each table after a writer, complete with a stack of books and a little framed quote. The photo pictured here is from OBT member Eliza.

This idea is an obvious fit for academic/literary types, but could be extra funny with cheap romance novels and pulp fiction, which you can get for pennies at any second hand store. Stack 'em and wrap 'em in ribbons — suddenly trashy fiction becomes an entertaining conversation piece. Stick a wedding-branded bookmark in 'em and they're kitchy favors! Like Muglies, only readable."

Hmmmmm....what about a theme incorporating Van Gogh's "Starry Night"? Lends a bit of romance, don't you think?  It's the right colors, too.

Mostly, I think I'm going to ask a lot of questions about what they like and don't like, and whip up a theme that way.  I know a lot of Tia's interests (horror, film,sci-fi/fantasy, classic literature, 80s music, comics), but I don't know David very well. I know he loves cooking, sci-fi, and world travel/culture, and that's about it.

Questions to ask:

1. What interests/hobbies do you think most definitively highlight your personality?
2. What art style(s) do you enjoy most, or do you have a particular artists/piece you love most?
3. What kind of music do you most want played at your wedding/reception?
4. What elements/styles/themes/motifs do you absolutely NOT want to see in your wedding?
5. Identify which aspect of the wedding is most important to you: theme, fun, tradition, romance, food, or people.  Please briefly explain why.
6. What sort of images or ideas come to mind when you think about the nature of your relationship?


For example, both my husband I and love decorating with Asian prints, knick-knacks, and wall hangings.  I love tigers and cranes, and he loves Buddha figures.  We mostly just used stuff from around our house for the reception decor.  I knew I wanted the Princess Bride theme to walk down the aisle to, and a blend of his musical taste (hair metal and classic rock) and my musical taste (80s and alternative rock).  We played artists like Bon Jovi, Metallica, Van Halen, Nena, Cyndi Lauper, and the Goo Goo Dolls at our reception.  I didn't want the white dress or tuxedo nonsense at my wedding, I didn't want it to be indoors or closed off from nature, and I wanted to focus on our own ideas of romance and family.  We wanted to be non-traditional yet inoffensive; after all, our seven month-old daughter is in our wedding photos.

David and Tia haven't been together or even known each long.  Damion and I had the benefit of being good friends before we got together, so figuring out what "us" was about wasn't too hard.  I feel like David and Tia may have a harder time of it.

Wedding Planning

So so far it looks like two of my good friends are getting married next year.  While it looks like I'm probably in the wedding party for both, I don't foresee myself doing much planning for Kirstin's.  She's a real take-charge kind of gal who knows the sort of things she likes and so far still seems really enthusiastic about planning stuff.  She's the sort of bride you go along with when she does things to give added input, carry things, and keep her company.  She would resent bridesmaids who planned everything for her.  If I were to start doing more to help plan her wedding, it would only be because she asked me to for whatever reason (stress, time constraints, etc.). I wouldn't even be surprised or offended if I just wind up attending the wedding as a guest, because Kirstin has a large network of friends and she seems pretty close to many of them, and furthermore she's known most of them for much longer than she's known me.  If I am one of bridesmaids I will be honored and pleased to stand up with her as she and Mel exchange their vows.  I love those two like crazy!  They deserve mucho happiness together.

Tia, on the other hand, is quite set on having me as matron of honor, and that's pretty cool.  I've only been in two other weddings, and my role in both was...um...sort of non-traditional?  They were pagan handfastings and I was anchoring for the West in both.  Not really wedding party.  More like a functionary.  So this is new territory for me.  Sort of.  I've almost been maid of honor/bridesmaid/wedding planner for a couple weddings, but they never went anywhere because the couple wound up either not getting married or not having a ceremony, so that's okay.  In one case I at least got to be the official witness when they got officiated at City Hall, so you know, that's something.

Anyway, Tia's less decisive than Kirstin.  In the same amount of time being engaged, Kirstin's definitely gotten more done.  Now, to be fair, Kirstin's family is being less intrusive on the details of the wedding, she has more support (well, sort of), and she's older and more used to making these sort of decisions (by that I mean life-altering, difficult, kind-of-overwhelming decisions).  Also her wedding's four months earlier than Tia's, so she has less time in which to get shit done.  Kirstin by nature is simply more of a "once I've decided to make this choice, it's made" kind of person, whereas Tia, like me, often gets inundated by the possibilities and needs help wading through it all to make something cohesive.  My general advice to Tia so far has been along the lines of "Here are the things I did that worked, and here's what you don't do because when I did it it was STUPID."

My first piece of advice when they both inevitably related the troubles brides always have when dealing with family was to pick one thing they could give in on, and then stand solid on everything else.  Many people have differing opinions on the amount of input family gets on wedding planning.  Some say that the amount of input they should have should be proportional to the percentage of the bill they're willing to foot.  My problem with this approach is that if you have supportive, well-meaning family members who are willing to cover the whole damn thing but have wildly differing visions of what your wedding should be from what you and your fiancée want, then you're screwed, stuck with a wedding you'll dread before and then not remember fondly after.  The opposite of this approach is the "fuck 'em, it's MY wedding" view in which the family gets NO say, regardless of how much they contribute financially.  Let's think on this for a moment.  Why are you having a wedding if you don't want the people you care about to come celebrate your commitment to life-long love?  If you don't care about anyone else's feelings at all, then don't have a wedding.  Have it officiated at town hall or whatever and then spend whatever you manage to save up on a honeymoon far away from everyone you know.  Most people I know have families that can contribute some but not all, leaving a good portion up to the engaged couple to cover themselves.  So in the interest of familial love and well-meaning compromise, listen to the things your close dear ones (mother, father, grandma, whatever) have to say about the wedding, and then pick one thing they stress as supremely important to do their way, and stand firm on everything else you want that they don't agree with.  I'd say one thing from each fiancée's family.  It may not even be something you consider to be that big of a deal.  It may be something that IS kind of is a big deal, but the benefits of doing it their way outweigh the desire to have your own way.

In my case, my mum wanted a proper cake.  She sort of wanted other things, too, but she was big on the cake issue.  "The cake is the centerpiece of the entire reception, and a big symbol in terms of the wedding in general" she argued.  I didn't really give a toss about cake.  I was like "cake, cupcakes, flapjacks, who cares?"  But Mum really wanted that three-tiered, classic cake.  Didn't care about the decoration as long as it wasn't stupid or tacky, and she'd pay whatever stupid price as long as it was quality baked goods.  She seriously spent over $300 on that cake, and we had leftover wedding cake sitting in our fridge for like, a month.  I had people over just so I could make them eat cake.  Screw "let them eat cake"; I was going to force it down their damn throats.  I just wanted it gone.  It was good cake, don't get me wrong, but out of the 150+ people we invited, maybe 80 showed up altogether, and not all of them stayed for the reception (or ate cake).  I don't think we really even had to make concessions for my husband's family, because for the most part while they may discuss each other's business and how it affects individuals or the family as a whole, for the most part they don't really seem to be the "I have the right to tell you how to live or what decisions to make" sort of people.  I think maybe there were a few suggestions about what specific family members would want at the reception, and that may have been it.  Certainly my husband didn't relay any giant, earth-shattering demands to me, so I assumed (and still do) that they were cool with whatever we decided to do.

Tia's concession is a biggie.  Tia was raised Catholic, baptized and confirmed  in the church, and her family wants a Catholic wedding.  To compound this, apparently you have to have a Catholic wedding to continue to be considered Catholic.  Both of you don't have to be confirmed Catholic; just as long as someone who is who wants stay Catholic has a proper service, it's all good.  Some churches have their own additional restrictions, like being a regular member of that specific congregation for so long or going to marriage classes or what-have-you, but the important thing here is that it happens inside a Catholic church and all the rituals are observed, all officiated by a priest.  I didn't know any of this until a few hours ago, but I did understand that it is a big deal to her family.  David is not Catholic, or currently an active member of any specific religion.  He's willing to look into Catholicism and convert if it suits him, but Tia's not in an particular hurry to see it happen, and would be okay if he chose something else.  There have been many times where Tia herself has considered giving up the religion in which she was raised, but has yet to come to that point.  There are many things she disagrees with Church about, and many things she still loves about her childhood faith.  It seemed like the best compromise for her to give up on her dream of an outdoor wedding in order to make her family happy and keep her ties to a spiritual path she is yet unwilling to turn her back on.  If they later decide to raise their future children as Catholic, she knows it's important not to close that door now.  Tia feels like the reception, being the actual celebration part, is more ultimately more important, anyway.

We have three Catholic churches in Columbia.  One of them has been rejected already for being unpalatable setting-wise.  The second is lovely but a bit small and she doesn't know the resident clergy or congregation, so she has to check out their services and ask about their wedding restrictions.  The third is the one she attended as a child, but she dislikes two of the priests currently serving there, and isn't sure if there's anyone else.  Another option, of course, is to either check out some of the small town churches in the area or have it at the church she knows she loves back in Hannibal, which is two hours away.  She'd much rather hold it here, of course, and we're both hoping either Sacred Heart or Lady of Lourdes works out.  I'm hoping for Sacred Heart because I think it's prettier, personally.  I reallllllllllly don't want to go to Hannibal.

EDIT: Just looked up the guidelines for holding the wedding ceremony at both and this decision is going to be HARD.  Lourdes is more accessible; it has on-site parking, she's already technically a parish member, and they allow visiting pastors to officiate as long as you arrange it with the presiding clergy.  Wedding guests would likely have to park on the street or in the nearby parking garage for Sacred Heart, and if she wants to avoid the $750 fee they charge for non-parish members, then she has to be an active member of their church for six months before she can even arrange to get married there.  Even if Lourdes decides she's not an active member, their fee is only $200.  However, Lourdes' list of restrictions is huge. No flower girls because they won't allow even fake petals dropped on the floor.  They only do weddings on Saturdays at either 2pm or 7pm; anything else has to be wrangled over.  No pre-recorded music of any kind.  It goes on and on.  Oi.

So far the only things we've nailed down is it has to be Catholic, and the main color is blue.  She loves orchids, hyacinth, and hydrangea.  She's currently enamored with the idea of the girls holding fans instead of bouquets, but I'm not sure how set on that she may be.  She wants a wedding shower that's all-inclusive in regards to gender and family, but wants a girls-only bachelorette party.  She likes filigree patterns but also Asian-inspired motifs.  She's not sure on much anything at the moment.  Personally, while I feel like the Asian thing works on some levels because David spent so much time over there while in the Navy and speaks Japanese, I think most people here in America associate the cherry blossom prints and such like with a more laid-back, zen vibe.  Damion and I had that sort of motif for our wedding because we wanted a more informal, quieter, simplistic sort of wedding and reception.  The vast majority of people invited didn't drink, so there was very little partying.  There was some light dancing and a lot of people just wandering around to talk quietly with others.  Some people meandered outside to enjoy the park.  I myself wound up swinging with a few of my friends at the nearby play area for a bit.  It was a very "go with the flow, get into nature" sort of thing.  I wore green and Damion wore blue jeans.

Tia wants the reception to be party-heavy.  People drinking, dancing it up, making a real celebration of the thing.  I think the vibrant blue she picked could be complimented with touches of gold and white for a touch of classic style that's still bold enough to make great party colors.  Her favorite orchids are the creamy white ones with golden centers, and I'd love to pair them with blue hyacinth and/or hydrangea and make that the wedding palette.  I'm thinking I might pull a few ideas together and present her with a basic coordinated theme and let her decide if she likes it.  Dithering over disparate details (you like my alliteration?) and trying to make them fit together will just bog her down.  She should be worrying over big stuff like making the church thing work and how shit's going to get paid for.  All the little details I think she could wind up just approving or disapproving as they're presented to her so she doesn't have to get swamped with decision-making.  It's much easier to simply say yes or no to something than have to come up with ideas in the first place.  Kind of wishing I'd had someone to do that for me when I got married...

My First Ever Homemade Salsa

Roasted Garlic Salsa (Mild)

I got the original recipe from AllRecipes.com, then modified it to suit my taste.  Some of the directions were suggested by other users on the site, and some of them I figured out on my own.  For my first time making it, it was awesome!

Ingredients

12 roma tomatoes

8-10 cloves garlic, peeled

1 small onion, halved

2 jalapeno chile peppers, halved

1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil

ground cumin

salt

lime juice

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro (reduce or add according to taste)

1/2 -1 teaspoon chili pepper blend paste

(optional) fresh ground pepper

(optional) 1-2 teaspoons onion powder (for the flavor w/o the chunks)

Directions

Preheat the broiler.

Seed and core tomatoes and jalapeno peppers before roasting.  It's infinitely less of a hassle than trying to do so after you roast them.

In a medium baking dish, place roma tomatoes, garlic, onion and jalapeno chile peppers. Drizzle with olive oil. (Optional: lightly grind fresh pepper over.)

Checking often, broil 5 to 10 minutes, or until outsides of vegetables are charred.

Remove vegetables from heat. 

Take half of vegetables (6 tomatoes, 2 jalapeno pepper halves, half the onion, 4-5 garlic cloves), and hand chop until it looks kind of like pico de gallo.

Put in intended serving/storage dish, mix with cilantro.

In blender or food processor, mix remaining vegetables and chili pepper until you get a chunky paste.  Should be a sort of smoothie consistency.

Mix in with the first half, adding lime juice, cumin, (optional onion powder), and salt to taste. 

Using mesh strainer, drain excess water until preferred consistency achieved.

Stir and serve, or put in sealed container to store in the fridge.

Note: 

You'll notice that the final product doesn't look as red as store-bought salsa.  Duh, right?  If you want to pop a little more when it comes to presentation (for a party, etc.), add a little red food coloring.  Doesn't affect the taste and makes the salsa look more appetizing than the sad, pastel sort of orangey brown it is without coloring.

Bold Venture and Bronchitis

Oh, the excitement.

So on the one hand, it look likes MyGeekling.com may actually happen.  Fuck yeah.  On the other hand, I haven't been getting any sleep because of all the coughing.  Lack of sleep may drive me slowly insane, which I sincerely hope does not happen.  What with this blizzard coming and all, I feel like I should be getting a ton of sleep.  Instead I spend all my time on the laptop, often gently hallucinating.

Trying to figure out what to do for a logo.  LOGO.

What to do, what to do...

So I've been re-evaluating my life since I lost my job.  You know, the usual stuff: what am I doing with my life, where am I going, why does working in the corporate machine suck so hard, etc.  Usually losing my job would be met with depression and anxiety, and maybe that will kick in later, but for the most part I'm actually pretty happy.  I hated that job A LOT.  Didn't make me want to kill myself, but it did make me feel like a giant loser, somehow even more than being unemployed does.  Everyday where I don't have to wake up and go to work is a day I smile and breathe a sigh of relief.  Yay!

I've been looking for a new job of course, in between hideous barking coughing fits.  While fighting off illness and working on my resume, I've been reading webcomics and reflecting on my lack of real skills.  Yesterday I found myself lamenting the fact that I'd never received any training as a body piercer, because a friend opened a tattoo shop and needs a piercer badly.  I wished I had more artistic talent so I could be a tattoo artist.  I love tattoos and one of my dream jobs is to be a shop manager.  Maybe I wouldn't be doing the actual tattooing, but I'd be setting appointments, ordering supplies, promoting the shop, etc., and I'd get to be supporting an industry in which I actually believe.  Plus I really like the guy who owns the shop.  He and his wife are adorably cool and his shop is all in green.  I like green.

Not having the skills to get to work in a fun place like Bob's Body Shop, I started wondering if I am, in fact, good at anything whatsoever.  I haven't really come up with much.  So far my best achievement is that I've raised a child who has not yet managed to develop some sort of severe emotional problem and likes stuff like Star Wars.

Which got me thinking.

I like kids.  I like geeky stuff like video games and Star Trek and playing D&D.  You know what I wish there were more of?  Websites devoted to the latest generation of geek parents and their geek children.  I'm wondering if there would be a real interest in starting a site devoted to geek parenting, one that would include but not be limited to the following:

• Kid-friendly video game reviews
• Costuming ideas for kids and parents alike
•  Parenting advice for new parents, likely with Star Wars references thrown in for good measure
• Geek merch reviews and links
• A "Geekling Pic of the Week" spot (I like looking at pics of my kid doing nerdy things, so I figure other people do, too)
• Links and schedules for kid-friendly conventions and fandom-themed vacation spots
• Recipes for geeky treats (for examples, check out this book)
• Activity ideas (top of my list? LASER TAG)
• Forums where readers can trade tips, share stories, and post their own reviews

Anyone have any ideas, lemme know.  DO EEEEEEET.

Hee hee, babies reading manga is adorable.