Blog Retirement
2 years ago
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Big List of Reasons Why Living in the Past Sucked
Originally started in September of 2010. I was tired of it hanging around in "drafts".
With fall being Renaissance Festival season in these parts, many of us (mostly nerds) start thinking about strapping on a corset or lacing up some tights and partaking in creative anachronisms, accompanied by large quantities of beer and songs about how much fun drinking beer tends to be. We also get to thinking about life in olden times, the days of yore when knights tilted in the lists for the idea of love and the reality of money, the days when magic, religion, and fledgling science took turns trying to explain the endless wonders of the natural world. What were those days like? Some us even may feel that we were born in the wrong time, that our romantic souls would have been better placed in a time of chivalry and courtly romance.
I am not one of those people. If anything, I was born too early. I'd be much more at home with Jean-Luc Picard aboard the Enterprise (albeit likely the resident moron; the 8 year-olds would pity my ignorance) than singing "Hey nonny, sing ho" with Shakespeare at a filthy London tavern while drinking ale of dubious origins. Here is the beginning of what will hopefully be an ever-growing list of reasons why living in the past sucked.
1. No rights for women. For any men saying, "Hell, yeah!" right now, I hope nasty, unspecified things happen to you.
2. In Europe, no rights for non-whites. Same sentiment as expressed above to racists.
3. THE SMELL. OH, GOD, THE SMELL.
4. Even greater religious intolerance.
5. No showers. Again, imagine the smell.
6. No condoms. Think of all the babies you would have had by now were this 500 years ago. Feel free to shudder dramatically and/or vomit.
7. No toilets. No toilet paper. Often, not even an outhouse with a seat. Just the outdoors. Ew.
8. In Europe, home of the Renaissance, before contact with the New World, there were no potatoes, tobacco, tomatoes, bell peppers, chocolate, corn, etc. Arguably, there may not have been syphilis, either.
9. People died from things we scoff at now, like chicken pox, the flu, and things easily avoided in our modern world like salmonella.
10. Lice and fleas. LICE AND FLEAS. *shudder
11. No video games. I know this is not really a priority for most, but I would die.
12. No real health care. You were lucky if one of a hundred "remedies" for ailments sort of worked.
13. Clothes were crappier. We take for granted some of the awesome textiles we luxuriate in today, often using fabrics not seen until the last century or so to make "historical" costumes that are waaaaaay more comfortable and eye-catching than their original counterparts.
14. That being said, think about the underpants, or the typical lack thereof. Now think of the majority of your neighbors. Yeah, I thought not.
15. The food sucked more. Think about the staggering variety of food choice and preparation taken for granted by most Americans. Didn't really exist back then. Global trade not really being a thing back in the day, spices and flavorings from around the world were non-existent, and forget "ethnic" food. Think about life without nachos, or chicken lo mein, or even something as boring and humdrum as vanilla ice cream. Now die a little inside.
More items to follow later.
With fall being Renaissance Festival season in these parts, many of us (mostly nerds) start thinking about strapping on a corset or lacing up some tights and partaking in creative anachronisms, accompanied by large quantities of beer and songs about how much fun drinking beer tends to be. We also get to thinking about life in olden times, the days of yore when knights tilted in the lists for the idea of love and the reality of money, the days when magic, religion, and fledgling science took turns trying to explain the endless wonders of the natural world. What were those days like? Some us even may feel that we were born in the wrong time, that our romantic souls would have been better placed in a time of chivalry and courtly romance.
If you're looking for historical accuracy,
you left it in your other Warrior Princess bustier.
I am not one of those people. If anything, I was born too early. I'd be much more at home with Jean-Luc Picard aboard the Enterprise (albeit likely the resident moron; the 8 year-olds would pity my ignorance) than singing "Hey nonny, sing ho" with Shakespeare at a filthy London tavern while drinking ale of dubious origins. Here is the beginning of what will hopefully be an ever-growing list of reasons why living in the past sucked.
1. No rights for women. For any men saying, "Hell, yeah!" right now, I hope nasty, unspecified things happen to you.
2. In Europe, no rights for non-whites. Same sentiment as expressed above to racists.
3. THE SMELL. OH, GOD, THE SMELL.
4. Even greater religious intolerance.
5. No showers. Again, imagine the smell.
6. No condoms. Think of all the babies you would have had by now were this 500 years ago. Feel free to shudder dramatically and/or vomit.
7. No toilets. No toilet paper. Often, not even an outhouse with a seat. Just the outdoors. Ew.
8. In Europe, home of the Renaissance, before contact with the New World, there were no potatoes, tobacco, tomatoes, bell peppers, chocolate, corn, etc. Arguably, there may not have been syphilis, either.
9. People died from things we scoff at now, like chicken pox, the flu, and things easily avoided in our modern world like salmonella.
10. Lice and fleas. LICE AND FLEAS. *shudder
11. No video games. I know this is not really a priority for most, but I would die.
12. No real health care. You were lucky if one of a hundred "remedies" for ailments sort of worked.
13. Clothes were crappier. We take for granted some of the awesome textiles we luxuriate in today, often using fabrics not seen until the last century or so to make "historical" costumes that are waaaaaay more comfortable and eye-catching than their original counterparts.
14. That being said, think about the underpants, or the typical lack thereof. Now think of the majority of your neighbors. Yeah, I thought not.
15. The food sucked more. Think about the staggering variety of food choice and preparation taken for granted by most Americans. Didn't really exist back then. Global trade not really being a thing back in the day, spices and flavorings from around the world were non-existent, and forget "ethnic" food. Think about life without nachos, or chicken lo mein, or even something as boring and humdrum as vanilla ice cream. Now die a little inside.
More items to follow later.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Infertility Itch
I never understood the women so desperate for babies
willing to turn their bodies into spawning grounds
human puppy mills sitting out children by the unnatural handful.
I scoffed. I shook my head at the idea that any woman
any sane person would need to breed with that recklessness
premeditated abandon based on religion or hormones
whatever the reason, ludicrous and extreme.
Then the losses piled up. Most were faceless clumps
cells arranged like clustered fruit, tiny false starts
chromosomal anomalies too poorly written to live.
The last, hopefully the last, not just the latest:
I knew the moment its small form appeared on screen
it had no spark, no fluttering movement to bespeak life
its body still; silent, it had stopped three weeks before
and I had gone on, trying not to hope and hoping anyway
while it died quietly alone in the thundering whisper
the tide in my uterus pulled by my satellite heart.
She was normal, the tests spat the words at me
my doctor holding out the results like an offering
not realizing the comfort I had taken from the idea
that they had all been genetic misfires, failures
of their parents' code to weave together.
Female, 46 chromosomes, no abnormalities detected
one line that cut me, burned me with guilt
and then the barrage of tests to see why I failed
to protect and nurture life within me the way women should.
I've successfully bred before; my daughter thrives
she sings through my days and questions everything.
She asks me often for more children, she is lonely
and I fear I have waited too long and the disease
haunting the women of my family has taken my chance.
So I itch at myself, worrying at my bones or my genes
cursing my body for things it can't willingly deny
taking the pills, conforming to regimens and diets
waiting for news, pausing at the threshold of my soul
to wonder when I became the sort of woman
who cries at baby pictures and is consumed by conception.
willing to turn their bodies into spawning grounds
human puppy mills sitting out children by the unnatural handful.
I scoffed. I shook my head at the idea that any woman
any sane person would need to breed with that recklessness
premeditated abandon based on religion or hormones
whatever the reason, ludicrous and extreme.
Then the losses piled up. Most were faceless clumps
cells arranged like clustered fruit, tiny false starts
chromosomal anomalies too poorly written to live.
The last, hopefully the last, not just the latest:
I knew the moment its small form appeared on screen
it had no spark, no fluttering movement to bespeak life
its body still; silent, it had stopped three weeks before
and I had gone on, trying not to hope and hoping anyway
while it died quietly alone in the thundering whisper
the tide in my uterus pulled by my satellite heart.
She was normal, the tests spat the words at me
my doctor holding out the results like an offering
not realizing the comfort I had taken from the idea
that they had all been genetic misfires, failures
of their parents' code to weave together.
Female, 46 chromosomes, no abnormalities detected
one line that cut me, burned me with guilt
and then the barrage of tests to see why I failed
to protect and nurture life within me the way women should.
I've successfully bred before; my daughter thrives
she sings through my days and questions everything.
She asks me often for more children, she is lonely
and I fear I have waited too long and the disease
haunting the women of my family has taken my chance.
So I itch at myself, worrying at my bones or my genes
cursing my body for things it can't willingly deny
taking the pills, conforming to regimens and diets
waiting for news, pausing at the threshold of my soul
to wonder when I became the sort of woman
who cries at baby pictures and is consumed by conception.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Wedding Plans Part 3
Let me just say that my new favorite thing ever is Inspiration Boards. I like being able to make a scrapbook but online, because I do most things online. The first board is theme/general ideas and the second is obviously cake specific.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Gir tattoo?
I'm wanting a Gir tattoo. I'm wondering where to put it. Leg? Shoulder? I dunno. I think I want Gir with a cupcake. I lurrrrrrve cupcakes. They are kyoooooot. Bad spelling fun.
This one is already a tattoo ^
This one is a little tooooo crazy ^
Is okay ^
So far I like this one best ^
The many faces of Gir. I kind of like the pissed off one.
Maybe if he were holding a cupcake instead of tickets?
Also cute! ^
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